The other day I realized that I have a really difficult time enjoying anything positive that happens to me. I seem to find a way to feel guilty or feel bad or feel like I don't deserve such things. As I was thinking of this I realized it's partly because I have been surrounded people who couldn't be happy for me when something good happened. As I looked at all of this I didn't find myself mad at the people or casting blame, but I felt a deep sadness that I had learned to feel guilty and unworthy when good things happen to me. I was suddenly able to see myself a little more clearly and understand some changes I needed to make in myself.
It just so happens I am getting ready to take a trip and I was dreading telling someone because I "knew" how they would react. I assumed they would be negative and I'd end up feeling guilty. I avoided telling them because all I could focus on was how bad I would feel when I told them I was going on this trip. As I thought about this suddenly I realized what I was doing. I was so busy focusing on the negative that I was losing the positive! I was so sure this person would have a negative reaction that that was all I could focus on. I was shocked by this realization. I mean I know this stuff, I write about this stuff...how was it that I didn't see this? Once I got over my shock I immediately stopped focusing on the negative and started making a list of all of the positives and began to envision the fun I was going to have on this trip. I kind of erased all of the negative thoughts and replaced them with positive ones.
Now here's the really interesting part. I then took it a step further and let go of focusing on this person having a negative reaction to my good news. I simply decided that she would react however she felt and I would just have to let whatever she said go in one ear and out the other and not take it to heart. The next day I went and told her I was going to take this trip and she was very calm and said nothing negative about it at all. I couldn't believe it! I kept waiting to here..".OH I hoped you weren't going this winter because I don't want to have to worry about you" or "oh every time you go we have a blizzard here", but nothing came! I thought I was in the Twilight Zone. All the way home I pondered what had just happened. When I got home I asked my husband if he had spoken to her told her how I worried I was that she would have a negative reaction. He said he hadn't spoken to her at all. The only thing I can figure is that once I let go of focusing on all of the possible negatives, they were no longer drawn to me. I had been basically drawing all of this negativity to me by constantly focusing on it! I had spent a whole day wasting energy assuming how this person would react!
We often hear that what we focus on is what's drawn to us and what we think about is what we create, perhaps this idea isn't so crazy? Think of all of the lovely, positive things in our lives that are ruined by our inability to let go of focusing on the negative aspects. We are going to take a trip, but we have to leave family behind, we are visiting our friends, but we'll have to say good bye at the end of the trip, we get to go do something fun, but we'll have extra work to do to prepare to go. How many wonderful things are turned into something less than fun because our thoughts are being focused on the negative.
How different would our lives be if we could let go of the negative and focus on the positive?
I think if we could learn to release our negative focus our lives could be positively wonderful!
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