What is unconditional love? When we love someone unconditionally does that mean that we love them completely no matter what they do our how their actions effect us? If we love each other unconditionally does that mean that we can treat each other however we want to with no boundaries or limits? These are all important questions.
It seems there are many people who think unconditional love requires us to drop all boundaries and limits and accept whatever behavior we are presented with. Many come across with the attitude that because of unconditional love we should be completely accepted no matter how we choose to act towards others.....this is where the key lies....how we CHOOSE to act towards others.
Because of free will we ALL have a choice in how we act towards others. If we choose to display behavior that is in some way harmful to others that is our choice, but with choices also comes responsibility and we have to be prepared to accept responsibility for the actions we display and the choices we make. If we choose to treat people in a manner that is harmful to them, eventually we may find ourselves alone, this is a consequence of our choice and it is our responsibility to accept it.
We also have a responsibility to ourselves to determine what behavior is and is not acceptable to us. Love starts from with in us and so we must learn that it is acceptable to set boundaries and limits for what type of behavior we will and will not accept in our lives. When we set our boundaries we must then ask ourselves if we are willing to follow those boundaries ourselves when interacting with the people in our world. We can't expect treatment from someone that we are not willing to display oursleves. If we want respect we must give respect, if we want love we must give love, if we want trust we have to give trust, if we want others to listen to us we must listen to them. We can't expect to receive what we are not willing to give.
We are all fully capable of loving others while not condoning the actions or choices they are making. It's perfectly acceptable to set boundaries for our own safety and to say to someone, "I love you, but your behavior is hurtful to me or to others and I do not want to be a party to this behavior." Setting boundaries and limits helps to ensure that we are treated in a safe, healthy manner. We could think of boundaries like the structure or frame work of our relationships. They may need to be flexible and may have to shift or be reinforced as we learn and grow and shift through our lifetimes.
As always love starts from within ourselves and we have to love our self first so that we can love others. If we continually accept treatment that is in some way destructive to us, we are not loving our self and we are helping no one. We can love someone without going along with the behavior they display or the choices they make.
The best way to form a boundary is to think to our self, how would I want to be treated? Then ask am I willing to give that treatment to others. Then we have to keep in mind that our boundaries don't need to be set in cement, but must be flexible and able to shift and support the changes we encounter through out our lives. As our conditions and view points change, so might our boundaries.
If we would all love our self and love others as we would like to be loved our self and treat others as we would like to be treated our self imagine what a difference we'd see in the world.
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