I recently had a discussion with a friend about listening and how we all need to learn to listen to each other without getting distracted by our own thoughts and how we need to really listen from a place of love and compassion rather than a place of how can I fix this? That led to a deeper discussion of how we tend to be fixers and we are all very focused on how we can fix everything. We are a nation of fixers, if something feels off or broken to us in anyway we must try to fix it, it's our duty, it's our right, it's our purpose. I see others do this all the time and I see myself struggle with this on a daily basis.
What if we were to let go of our fix it role? What if we were to simply listen to what someone has to say and we just hold them exactly where they are? What effect would that have on that person? What effect would it have on us?
I can envision us all sitting here now say, "Yes, but if I don't point out to you where your idea is wrong or how your actions are damaging, then how will you ever learn to act in a different manner. How will you change, how will you stop offending me with your behavior?"
After thinking these thoughts I suddenly see that not only are we fixers, we suddenly see ourselves as victims. I need to fix you so that your behavior no longer offends and hurts me. What you are doing is hurting me.
Wait a minute...what happened there? I am going to fix what is outside of me so I feel better about me? I sense a problem here. Can we fix or change anyone other than ourselves? When we look outside of ourselves do we find all of the answers to our problems? Can we blame everything that we see as dark about ourselves, every struggle in our life, every pain, infliction or illness on something outside of our self? OR do we have the free will to make choices about how we experience ourselves in our world and so we must take responsibility for our own "dark stuff"?
As a person who has suffered from physical, verbal and mental abuse, one who has in turn inflicted abuses on others and one who has suffered for years from illness and injuries including broken bones and fibromyalgia, having it pointed out that maybe I am choosing some of this does not feel very good to me. But, it does give me hope in the idea that I HAVE A CHOICE IN CHOOSING HOW I REACT TO THE WORLD AROUND ME. I am not a victim of fate or circumstances, I am simply experiencing the results of my choice in how I react to situation I am in. If this is true then I choose to no longer see myself as a victim, I choose to no longer see myself as a damaged ill person who needs repair. I choose to see that no one has taken my power and no one is responsible for my actions but me.
We are going to experience difficult situations through out our life times, but we have the choice in how we respond to this, we have the choice in deciding whether we are going to play the victim role or whether we are going to use our power to learn a lesson from our experiences and use them to grow or if we want to let them crush us and make us angry, bitter and resentful. We have the choice always to act out of love and compassion or act out of anger, revenge and hate. No one forces that on us, no one causes us to feel either way, it is our choice...it is part of our gift of free will.
May we all learn to choose love and compassion in all situations and if we don't, may we be willing to accept that as a choice, not see it as damage and try to fix it or judge it. May we let go of trying to fixit and instead choose love, let it be and if a shift needs to be made, it will happen when we are ripe and ready.
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