Responsibility

Responsibility seems like such a heavy word. As a young child our lives are pretty responsibility free. The only thing we really "have" to do is eat. Someone takes care of everything for us, even providing the food, we are simply here to learn and grow and take in information.

But it seems with learning, growth and age comes responsibility. Gradually as we gain knowledge of how to function in a body we are expected to take more responsibility for it. We are expected to use our hands to hold our own bottle, to learn to use our legs to crawl then walk, to use our voice to speak and to go potty in the potty. We slowly learn how to control our body and use it to take responsibility for ourselves. Normally we find each new responsibility exciting and fun. We are pretty happy and care free as long as we have food, shelter and love.

As we get older though, we are also expected to learn how to function and fit into society. Our parents or caregivers are responsible for teaching us what is acceptable, they teach us what is right and what is wrong. Our carefree days are beginning to draw to a close it seems.

Suddenly we are no longer expected to just be happy, we are expected to pay attention to others and see if they are happy, we are learning to observe what kind of response our actions receive and if they are right or wrong by societies standards. Something that fits in to the norm of right behavior often receives praise and happy responses. Something that is not acceptable often receives admonishments and stern responses. We learn if I do this, the response will be this, if I do that, the response will be that. We learn to observe and care about others.

Eventually we become responsible adults who are aware of those around us and can observe how our actions are received and accepted. We are aware of what effect we have on our surroundings. We understand that we are responsible for ourselves and our actions.

But who else are we responsible for and to what extent? Are we only responsible for ourselves or are we responsible for those around us?

As a grown child we are responsible for loving and respecting our parents, but we learn to understand that we are now responsible for our own selves and our own actions and choices, we can no longer hold our parents responsible for what we choose to do. As and adult we are no longer fully connected to them or under their "control" we are responsible for ourselves.

As a spouse or partner we are responsible for nurturing our relationship with another person, we become one with another while maintaining our own self within the union. If we want our relationship to flourish we have to put time and effort into it, we can't just do our own thing all of the time or the relationship will not be sustained. We have to be aware of how our actions impact those we are in a relationship with. We become accountable to our partner, but we are only responsible for ourselves, we really have no control over anyone elses actions or responses.

As a parent we understand that we've brought a helpless, innocent being into the world who we need to love, care for and guide. We are responsible for teaching them how to use their bodies and control themselves, our ultimate goal as a parent is to teach them to be responsible for themselves and considerate of others. It seems we are meant to love and guide them while seeing that they do not belong to us. We learn the importance of providing guidance and teaching them to be responsible as well as the importance of letting them go so that they can be their own person.

It seems we often become confused and think that we are somehow responsible for others. We have difficulty understanding that we can't make others happy, that we can't force others to see our point of view, that we can't do the work others are meant to do. We also can tend to forget that others are not responsible for making us happy, that everyone has their own point of view and that we all have our own "work" to do in this world. We are all connected and need to be considerate of each other, but we are only responsible for our self and our own actions or lack of actions in any situation.

It seems it is very important to focus on ourselves and what WE are doing rather than focusing on others and trying to take responsibility for them or expecting them take responsibility for us.

Perhaps if we let go of the idea of being responsible for everyone else and we take care of our own responsibilities, our lives will become somewhat carefree again?