Dancing Shoes

Sometimes I think the best way to go through life is to just stop all of the analyzing, searching and seeking, put on your dancing shoes and dance.
Of course you have to pay attention to where you are dancing and who you are dancing with and make sure you don't step on too many toes.
But if there's music in your heart and rhythm in your feet things should glide along a little easier, right?

Puddle Dancing

We all know that there will be bright sunny days as well as dark cloudy days in our lives. Deep down we understand that we need both, but those cloudy, rainy days can some times get us down. It seems we need to learn to appreciate both the sunshine and the rain.

It feels important to remind ourselves that cloudy days serve a purpose and are not bad, they just are sometimes dark and difficult to get through.

Aside from looking at the positive side of a cloudy day (good day for a nap, the rain waters our plants, the darkness helps us appreciate the light)what can we do? One thing we can do is to make sure to really soak up and enjoy every moment of our sunny days. That way when we are in the middle of cloudiness, can pull up those sunshiny memories and fill our minds with those instead of focusing on the clouds. We can use those memories to remind ourselves that while life seems dark right now, sunshine could be just around the corner.

We may even try learning to look at cloudy days, instead as a time of darkness, as a time of replenishing or maybe even a time of cleansing. Think of the rain falling or the tears we may cry during dark times as cleansing water that is washing away the debris and replenishing dry areas. Without water things tend to get dust covered and shriveled up.

Perhaps we can even begin to find a little joy in the cloudy days and see that through the darkness comes new life. Sometimes in the darkness a whole new world seems to be formed.

Instead of dreading the dark days we could try to learn to flow through them, appreciating them and thinking of brighter days ahead. Maybe we can even learn to dance a little in the puddles that form around us or sing a little tune to brighten things up.

They say into all lives a little rain must fall.
It seems it's up to us whether we want to get stuck in the mud and sink or keep moving and dance through the puddles.

View Points

We can encounter difficulties in our life when we can only see things from one point of view or feel that one point of view is the only one that is important. Everyone has a point of view. We all look at the world and every situation from different angles, through different filters of our own experiences. 10 people can witness one situation and all 10 people can have a differing perception of what has occurred because they are all coming from a different point of view. All of the view points are valid, all of them are important and if we want to form a more clear picture, form a more clear understanding, we need to be opened to the idea that it is not only our view point that is important, valid or "right".

Letting go of the idea that there is one "right" way of looking at things can be difficult, but it can also help us to expand and grow and when we expand and grow or perspectives may change. We may also find our self letting go of perceptions that we once held as truths. As we let go of those "truths" things in our world may begin to shift.

For example. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia in 2004. All of the research I have done from the modern medical view point about this condition paints a rather grim picture. There are very few real treatments, I will suffer a lot of pain, may become debilitated and my life will never be the same. New treatments are being researched as more scientists become interested and look into this condition, but my body is severely sensitive to medications, so most of the new treatments are not options I can use. Basically if I go from the view point and perception that I have this condition and it can not be treated, I will suffer much pain.

But, if I understand that there may be treatments and natural ways to use my body's own healing abilities, perhaps the perception, the "truth" that I will suffer and never lead a normal life, do not have to be accepted as fact. Perhaps by looking at this from a different view other than just what modern medicine is currently offering, I can find some relief from my symptoms.

Many people may not agree with this thinking, but I have seen from my own experience that looking at things from differing view points can lead to whole new understandings of situations and it can even bring about healing if we are willing to let go of our own perceptions. I do not claim to be "healed" yet, but I am opened to the idea that if I keep my mind opened, stop clinging to only one view point and follow my heart, perhaps someday I will be.

Looking for Company

They say misery loves company. I've seen this in many situations, especially since I have had many bouts of being miserable. What I've noticed is that when we are content with being miserable we tend to seek out those who will join us in our misery and get down and wallow in it with us. If we are content being miserable, we love to share our stories of misery and sometimes get angry if people try to cheer us up, cheer us on or offer a point of view that isn't all steeped in misery.

I was stuck in misery for a long time after my first marriage ended, I was an expert wallower and subconsciously attracted many miserable people and I seemed to attempt to drag others who were not miserable down into the pits of misery with me. I was looking for some company for my misery.

Fortunately for my friends and loved ones, and myself, my contentment with misery ended and I began to seek new ways of being in the world. I stopped focusing on my misery and stopped looking for someone else to pull me out of it and began to focus on pulling myself up in whatever way I could. I stopped looking outside of myself for what was wrong and began to look within. I stopped trying to change everyone else and began to focus on myself and what I could do to improve myself and the way I coped with the world.

Gradually with a lot of help from very loving, patient friends, family members and several professionals, I began to see who I could be when I wasn't stuck in my suffering and misery. As I began to see a new vision of myself, I gradually began to become a different version of myself, one who was more loving, accepting and compassionate to others and to myself. As that happened I became less miserable.

As I became less miserable, something interesting happened, those who were also content being miserable became angry towards me. Sometimes they simply dropped away and sometimes they openly attacked me before leaving. For the longest time I found this very upsetting and wondered what I had done wrong and how my "friends" could turn from me in such a manner. What I slowly realized was they did not want to be around me if I were not miserable. Many of my friends who had shared my misery and raged about how the world should treat everyone fairly and accept everyone for who they were and love everyone unconditionally were now not able to accept me unconditionally.

If I expressed a view point that wasn't in line with what they thought or felt, they thought I was judging them in some way or thought that I thought I was better than them. Some thought I was just sticking my head in the sand and playing "Mary Sunshine" with them. They seemed to forget the lowly image I have of myself, the struggles and deep misery I'd gone through myself. They seemed to have no interest in stopping and asking how my view point had changed and how I'd pulled myself out of my misery. Instead of seeking to join me, some seemed to want to drag me back down. I have had to learn to be very careful to not let that happen.

I am a very persistent, sympathetic friend, I can get down in the dark mud and wallow in misery with the best of them, but I don't want to stay stuck in that mucky mud wallowing there forever, so I have to know my boundaries.

It feels very important for us all to have great compassion for those who are stuck in misery, but that doesn't mean we have to join them and stay stuck with them. We all have choices and we shouldn't judge the choices that we make, if someone stays stuck that is their choice, if we want to move on, that is our choice, both choices serve some purpose and we shouldn't place judgment on them. This has been a very difficult lesson for me to learn.

Don't Forget Yourself

Sometimes I think we take life way to seriously and forget that it's OK, even good to find some joy along the way. We forget to take time to stop and relax and really take a look around us at the beauty of the world. We get so busy taking care of others and being concerned about others that we forget to take care of ourselves.

It seems important to remember that part of being of service to others is remembering to take care of ourselves. How can we help others if we wear ourselves down and have nothing left to give?

Stop right now and ask yourself, what did I do to take care of myself today? Did I eat right? Did I drink enough water? Did I get some exercise? Do I get enough sleep? Did I do something that gives me joy?

Taking care of yourself is not being selfish, unless of course you only ever focus on your own needs and no one else's, but if that were the case, I doubt you would be reading my words.

The next time you are making out your to do list for the day, don't forget to put, take care of myself at the top so you don't forget and don't scratch it off until the end of the day when you are sure that you really have taken care of yourself. That's not an order, just a suggestion from someone who often forgets to take care of herself and needs a lot of reminders too!

Responsibility

Responsibility seems like such a heavy word. As a young child our lives are pretty responsibility free. The only thing we really "have" to do is eat. Someone takes care of everything for us, even providing the food, we are simply here to learn and grow and take in information.

But it seems with learning, growth and age comes responsibility. Gradually as we gain knowledge of how to function in a body we are expected to take more responsibility for it. We are expected to use our hands to hold our own bottle, to learn to use our legs to crawl then walk, to use our voice to speak and to go potty in the potty. We slowly learn how to control our body and use it to take responsibility for ourselves. Normally we find each new responsibility exciting and fun. We are pretty happy and care free as long as we have food, shelter and love.

As we get older though, we are also expected to learn how to function and fit into society. Our parents or caregivers are responsible for teaching us what is acceptable, they teach us what is right and what is wrong. Our carefree days are beginning to draw to a close it seems.

Suddenly we are no longer expected to just be happy, we are expected to pay attention to others and see if they are happy, we are learning to observe what kind of response our actions receive and if they are right or wrong by societies standards. Something that fits in to the norm of right behavior often receives praise and happy responses. Something that is not acceptable often receives admonishments and stern responses. We learn if I do this, the response will be this, if I do that, the response will be that. We learn to observe and care about others.

Eventually we become responsible adults who are aware of those around us and can observe how our actions are received and accepted. We are aware of what effect we have on our surroundings. We understand that we are responsible for ourselves and our actions.

But who else are we responsible for and to what extent? Are we only responsible for ourselves or are we responsible for those around us?

As a grown child we are responsible for loving and respecting our parents, but we learn to understand that we are now responsible for our own selves and our own actions and choices, we can no longer hold our parents responsible for what we choose to do. As and adult we are no longer fully connected to them or under their "control" we are responsible for ourselves.

As a spouse or partner we are responsible for nurturing our relationship with another person, we become one with another while maintaining our own self within the union. If we want our relationship to flourish we have to put time and effort into it, we can't just do our own thing all of the time or the relationship will not be sustained. We have to be aware of how our actions impact those we are in a relationship with. We become accountable to our partner, but we are only responsible for ourselves, we really have no control over anyone elses actions or responses.

As a parent we understand that we've brought a helpless, innocent being into the world who we need to love, care for and guide. We are responsible for teaching them how to use their bodies and control themselves, our ultimate goal as a parent is to teach them to be responsible for themselves and considerate of others. It seems we are meant to love and guide them while seeing that they do not belong to us. We learn the importance of providing guidance and teaching them to be responsible as well as the importance of letting them go so that they can be their own person.

It seems we often become confused and think that we are somehow responsible for others. We have difficulty understanding that we can't make others happy, that we can't force others to see our point of view, that we can't do the work others are meant to do. We also can tend to forget that others are not responsible for making us happy, that everyone has their own point of view and that we all have our own "work" to do in this world. We are all connected and need to be considerate of each other, but we are only responsible for our self and our own actions or lack of actions in any situation.

It seems it is very important to focus on ourselves and what WE are doing rather than focusing on others and trying to take responsibility for them or expecting them take responsibility for us.

Perhaps if we let go of the idea of being responsible for everyone else and we take care of our own responsibilities, our lives will become somewhat carefree again?