Big Bang

As I look out over my life I can see how many times I started off doing something to change myself and my life and then became frustrated and gave up. It's as if I was thinking when I do this and this and this, then BANG I will be all better, my life will be all better, the world will be a happy, easy place. When I worked really hard and the big bang never occurred I became discouraged, wondered why I bothered and went back to just not trying anything to improve my situation. Instead of focusing on all of the work I had done, the experiences I'd had, the lives I'd touched, I was upset about not seeing a huge drastic change in my world. I felt like a failure because I was focusing on what I hadn't yet gained rather than what I had gained.

How sad. How often do we expect a Big Bang and only get a gentle ripple? How often do we not see all that we have gained and accomplished because we are so lost in what we feel we've lost or not accomplished? How often do we set ourselves back by feeling that our work has been useless and in vain?

Could we really accept change if we did get our magical Big Bang and our life was suddenly everything we thought we wanted it to be? Honestly, I have a difficult time wrapping my brain around the small,gentle, beautiful changes that have happened in my life, I imagine a Big Bang moment might literally cause me to explode in disbelief and uncertainty!

Perhaps this is why change doesn't come in a big bang, but in a gentle, step by step process that occurs as we are really prepared and ready for each change. When we stop expecting big changes and shifts and accept the gentle flowing and reshaping of our selves and our lives, perhaps we will be more persistent and patient with ourselves and others and slowly, gently, in a pace we are ready for, our life will become something even more beautiful than what we originally imagined.

Perhaps our lives are meant to change not with a big bang like a bomb, but with a gentle opening and unfolding like the blossoming of a beautiful flower.