Losing the Map

I used to be an organizer, a planner, someone who had to have things all mapped out so I could see where I was going and what was to be expected along the way.

I suppose for me this tendency to be a planner and this need to "know" what all of the steps were and how things would unfold came from having been through a tornado at the age of two and having my dad suddenly pass away when I was only four. I guess I needed and craved the stability and control having things all planned out seemed to offer. I didn't want any surprises along the way or unexpected things popping up, so I learned to plan and analyze situations from many angles.

There's nothing wrong with that, but I learned the hard way that no matter how we organize, plan and map, no matter what angle we look at things, things happen in ways we could not imagine or foresee. If we are stuck on following our plan and clinging to our map, hitting an unforeseen bump in the road or coming upon a detour can be an earth shattering experience. Having someone expect us to set our map aside and just go with the flow can seem ridiculously unsafe and frightening.

What happened to help me let go and learn to go with the flow? Life happened with all it's messy twists and turns. As each totally unexpected thing happened I seemed to lose a little bit of myself. I was falling apart and frantic. I saw that nothing could be controlled or counted on, our world is constantly changing, things don't always fit into our plan, stuff happens that we have no control over and we have to either go with the flow or get sucked under and drown.

My experience nearly took me down, but eventually I learned to let go of my big expectations of how things should be and how they should go and I started to open up more to just going with whatever happened. This didn't mean giving up completely on planning, it meant that I came to the understanding that I can make a plan, but I have to be flexible and go with whatever happens along the way that does not go with my plan. I have to be opened to the idea that there are many different options, paths and views on this road we call life. We might have a map of where we want to go, but there could be detours, road blocks and alternate routes along our path.

The interesting thing is that once I learned to let go of my map and go with the flow, I started having new and exciting experiences. I started seeing things from different view points and opened up to new ideas and ways of looking at things. I also opened up more to people and began to see that there is not one single "right" path or way of looking at things or doing things. I learned that my plans did not have to be set in stone and there would be many choices to make as I lived my life.

Most importantly I began to relax, stop being so anxious about what was going to happen and let go of worrying if I'd taken the right road or not. I realized that I didn't have to be in control of everything to be "safe" and I could make it through whatever came along much easier if I relaxed. I actually began to enjoy life more, I felt less stress, more joy and more freedom. Eventually I began to become healthier because my body was no longer in a constant state of stress and worry about how things were going to go.

I came to the understanding that sometimes the most important thing we can do in life is not to plan and map things out, but to simply show up and be present on the journey.