Being willing to let go of our tight grasp on our map and go with the flow does not mean that we put on a blind fold and leap. Using our senses to look, listen and feel are part of what keeps us from falling off the road. It doesn't seem to me that we are meant to leap without looking.
Our map is a tool that we've been given to help us understand where we want to go and how we can get there. It is not our only tool, we have many tools to use to help us find the safest, most direct or most scenic route. Our map as well as our senses, both physical and intuitive, and those who offer us directions are tools too.
Sometimes the trip is scary and we want to just shut off our senses, we don't want to see or hear about any of the bad accidents or know about the big bend in the road up ahead. We might even want to just sit back and have someone else drive us down the road. There is nothing wrong with having someone help guide us in our driving, but it seems we are meant to drive ourselves and not sit back waiting for others to do all the work of getting us to our destination.
Putting blinders on and not taking responsibility for our trip might lead to us falling completely off of the road that we are meant to be on. After all, the route someone else might take could be perfect for them, but is it perfect for us? Is it the route everyone needs to or has to take?
It seems if we want to get to where we feel we are intended to be, we need to take off our blind folds, look before we leap and take a hold of the wheel. Going with the flow does not mean blindly and helplessly floating along, it seems to mean determining where we intend to go, looking at our map and then relaxing and using our tools to make the journey. Our tools include our own vision, intuition and understandings as well as the guidance and direction offered by others who may have been headed to the same destination we would like to get to.
Letting go of the idea that we have to have complete control and have to follow a specific route on the map does not mean blindly leaping, it means looking before we leap, but being opened to leaping even when we know the path may not be completely clear to us or what we had envisioned.
We may not reach our destination without some bumps in the road or detours along the way. The route we thought would be the most direct and easiest to use might not be the one we end up on, but if we are paying attention and opened to going with the flow, we will get where we are meant to go and if we are relaxed about it all, we may even enjoy the trip.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Monday, February 27, 2012
Losing the Map
I used to be an organizer, a planner, someone who had to have things all mapped out so I could see where I was going and what was to be expected along the way.
I suppose for me this tendency to be a planner and this need to "know" what all of the steps were and how things would unfold came from having been through a tornado at the age of two and having my dad suddenly pass away when I was only four. I guess I needed and craved the stability and control having things all planned out seemed to offer. I didn't want any surprises along the way or unexpected things popping up, so I learned to plan and analyze situations from many angles.
There's nothing wrong with that, but I learned the hard way that no matter how we organize, plan and map, no matter what angle we look at things, things happen in ways we could not imagine or foresee. If we are stuck on following our plan and clinging to our map, hitting an unforeseen bump in the road or coming upon a detour can be an earth shattering experience. Having someone expect us to set our map aside and just go with the flow can seem ridiculously unsafe and frightening.
What happened to help me let go and learn to go with the flow? Life happened with all it's messy twists and turns. As each totally unexpected thing happened I seemed to lose a little bit of myself. I was falling apart and frantic. I saw that nothing could be controlled or counted on, our world is constantly changing, things don't always fit into our plan, stuff happens that we have no control over and we have to either go with the flow or get sucked under and drown.
My experience nearly took me down, but eventually I learned to let go of my big expectations of how things should be and how they should go and I started to open up more to just going with whatever happened. This didn't mean giving up completely on planning, it meant that I came to the understanding that I can make a plan, but I have to be flexible and go with whatever happens along the way that does not go with my plan. I have to be opened to the idea that there are many different options, paths and views on this road we call life. We might have a map of where we want to go, but there could be detours, road blocks and alternate routes along our path.
The interesting thing is that once I learned to let go of my map and go with the flow, I started having new and exciting experiences. I started seeing things from different view points and opened up to new ideas and ways of looking at things. I also opened up more to people and began to see that there is not one single "right" path or way of looking at things or doing things. I learned that my plans did not have to be set in stone and there would be many choices to make as I lived my life.
Most importantly I began to relax, stop being so anxious about what was going to happen and let go of worrying if I'd taken the right road or not. I realized that I didn't have to be in control of everything to be "safe" and I could make it through whatever came along much easier if I relaxed. I actually began to enjoy life more, I felt less stress, more joy and more freedom. Eventually I began to become healthier because my body was no longer in a constant state of stress and worry about how things were going to go.
I came to the understanding that sometimes the most important thing we can do in life is not to plan and map things out, but to simply show up and be present on the journey.
I suppose for me this tendency to be a planner and this need to "know" what all of the steps were and how things would unfold came from having been through a tornado at the age of two and having my dad suddenly pass away when I was only four. I guess I needed and craved the stability and control having things all planned out seemed to offer. I didn't want any surprises along the way or unexpected things popping up, so I learned to plan and analyze situations from many angles.
There's nothing wrong with that, but I learned the hard way that no matter how we organize, plan and map, no matter what angle we look at things, things happen in ways we could not imagine or foresee. If we are stuck on following our plan and clinging to our map, hitting an unforeseen bump in the road or coming upon a detour can be an earth shattering experience. Having someone expect us to set our map aside and just go with the flow can seem ridiculously unsafe and frightening.
What happened to help me let go and learn to go with the flow? Life happened with all it's messy twists and turns. As each totally unexpected thing happened I seemed to lose a little bit of myself. I was falling apart and frantic. I saw that nothing could be controlled or counted on, our world is constantly changing, things don't always fit into our plan, stuff happens that we have no control over and we have to either go with the flow or get sucked under and drown.
My experience nearly took me down, but eventually I learned to let go of my big expectations of how things should be and how they should go and I started to open up more to just going with whatever happened. This didn't mean giving up completely on planning, it meant that I came to the understanding that I can make a plan, but I have to be flexible and go with whatever happens along the way that does not go with my plan. I have to be opened to the idea that there are many different options, paths and views on this road we call life. We might have a map of where we want to go, but there could be detours, road blocks and alternate routes along our path.
The interesting thing is that once I learned to let go of my map and go with the flow, I started having new and exciting experiences. I started seeing things from different view points and opened up to new ideas and ways of looking at things. I also opened up more to people and began to see that there is not one single "right" path or way of looking at things or doing things. I learned that my plans did not have to be set in stone and there would be many choices to make as I lived my life.
Most importantly I began to relax, stop being so anxious about what was going to happen and let go of worrying if I'd taken the right road or not. I realized that I didn't have to be in control of everything to be "safe" and I could make it through whatever came along much easier if I relaxed. I actually began to enjoy life more, I felt less stress, more joy and more freedom. Eventually I began to become healthier because my body was no longer in a constant state of stress and worry about how things were going to go.
I came to the understanding that sometimes the most important thing we can do in life is not to plan and map things out, but to simply show up and be present on the journey.
Monday, February 20, 2012
Withdrawal
I've noticed that when things get tough I have a tendency to want to retreat and withdraw from the world.
Sometimes we really need to step back, take a deep breath and regroup so that we can quiet our minds and focus, but if we retreat for too long or try to withdraw completely, this can cause problems.
When we shut ourselves off from everyone it is easy to sort of fall into a pit. Without input from others our thoughts may become off balanced and very clouded. If we withdraw because we are tense, our tension may only build causing all kinds of problems mentally and physically.
We seem to need others to help keep us balanced by offering differing views to us. Being in relationship with others can also provide a tension release valve by allowing us to express ourselves. Having someone who will really listen to us can be very important and beneficial to us. Being in relationships with others can help keep us balanced and healthy.
Of course, the relationship itself needs to be balanced, we can't constantly dump all of our stuff on someone and not listen to them or offer support for them. We also can't always be the dumping station for others, we need and deserve a relief valve where we can relieve our tension by dumping stuff too.
It seems when the pressure of the world gets to be too much, retreating and take a few steps back is a wise choice, but stepping too far back and totally withdrawing can be detrimental to our mental health and well being.
Even solitary, introverts need outside contact and relationships to help keep them healthy.
Sometimes we really need to step back, take a deep breath and regroup so that we can quiet our minds and focus, but if we retreat for too long or try to withdraw completely, this can cause problems.
When we shut ourselves off from everyone it is easy to sort of fall into a pit. Without input from others our thoughts may become off balanced and very clouded. If we withdraw because we are tense, our tension may only build causing all kinds of problems mentally and physically.
We seem to need others to help keep us balanced by offering differing views to us. Being in relationship with others can also provide a tension release valve by allowing us to express ourselves. Having someone who will really listen to us can be very important and beneficial to us. Being in relationships with others can help keep us balanced and healthy.
Of course, the relationship itself needs to be balanced, we can't constantly dump all of our stuff on someone and not listen to them or offer support for them. We also can't always be the dumping station for others, we need and deserve a relief valve where we can relieve our tension by dumping stuff too.
It seems when the pressure of the world gets to be too much, retreating and take a few steps back is a wise choice, but stepping too far back and totally withdrawing can be detrimental to our mental health and well being.
Even solitary, introverts need outside contact and relationships to help keep them healthy.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
What's In A Word?
I was just reviewing some of my old writings and questioning my use of the word illness. Perhaps instead of the word illness when writing I should use the word disease.
The thoughts and feelings I felt by my own use of the word illness caused me to look up the words illness and disease.
The definition for illness is:
wickedness, unpleasantness, an unhealthy condition of the body or mind.
The definition for disease is:
a condition of the living animal or plant body or one of its parts that impairs normal functioning and is typically manifested by distinguishing signs and symptoms.
Think about this, if we say that we are ill, we are in a sense saying that we are wicked and unpleasant, that our body and mind are in an unhealthy condition. We may feel unhealthy and unpleasant, but we don't want to label ourselves in that way and form ourselves around that thought do we? How did having a physical symptom of some kind become related to being wicked?
When we use the word illness we refer to ourselves as being ill, but when we use the word disease we do not refer to ourselves as the disease do we? How interesting is that.
The word illness seems to focus on our actual body as somehow flawed.
The word disease seems to focus more on the function of our body being impaired.
What if what we experience in our body is not illness/wickedness, but instead disease/impairment of function. Our body is in a state of dis-ease because for some reason our "normal" functioning has been impaired in some way.
Perhaps this can even apply to the condition of our world. Our world is feeling a lot of pain and suffering because it is in a state of dis-ease; the way it was intended to function is somehow being impaired.
What do we need to do to find our source of impairment and relieve our dis-ease bringing us back into a state of comfort,ease and normal functioning?
Could it be that we need to take a close look at the distinguishing signs and symptoms of each situation and compare them all to see where the root cause of the impairment or malfunction lies so that we can regain proper function?
Is it possible that there is a common thread running through all cases of disease with our bodies and the world, we just have to look closely enough and make comparisons to find them? What was added or is missing that is creating the impairments and malfunctions?
Isn't it interesting how just studying the use of one word can cause us to focus on so many details and form many questions? After all, it's just a word, a label that we use to describe someone or something. Does it really matter if we say illness or disease or does it matter more that we focus on finding the root cause of the condition. I wonder...
The thoughts and feelings I felt by my own use of the word illness caused me to look up the words illness and disease.
The definition for illness is:
wickedness, unpleasantness, an unhealthy condition of the body or mind.
The definition for disease is:
a condition of the living animal or plant body or one of its parts that impairs normal functioning and is typically manifested by distinguishing signs and symptoms.
Think about this, if we say that we are ill, we are in a sense saying that we are wicked and unpleasant, that our body and mind are in an unhealthy condition. We may feel unhealthy and unpleasant, but we don't want to label ourselves in that way and form ourselves around that thought do we? How did having a physical symptom of some kind become related to being wicked?
When we use the word illness we refer to ourselves as being ill, but when we use the word disease we do not refer to ourselves as the disease do we? How interesting is that.
The word illness seems to focus on our actual body as somehow flawed.
The word disease seems to focus more on the function of our body being impaired.
What if what we experience in our body is not illness/wickedness, but instead disease/impairment of function. Our body is in a state of dis-ease because for some reason our "normal" functioning has been impaired in some way.
Perhaps this can even apply to the condition of our world. Our world is feeling a lot of pain and suffering because it is in a state of dis-ease; the way it was intended to function is somehow being impaired.
What do we need to do to find our source of impairment and relieve our dis-ease bringing us back into a state of comfort,ease and normal functioning?
Could it be that we need to take a close look at the distinguishing signs and symptoms of each situation and compare them all to see where the root cause of the impairment or malfunction lies so that we can regain proper function?
Is it possible that there is a common thread running through all cases of disease with our bodies and the world, we just have to look closely enough and make comparisons to find them? What was added or is missing that is creating the impairments and malfunctions?
Isn't it interesting how just studying the use of one word can cause us to focus on so many details and form many questions? After all, it's just a word, a label that we use to describe someone or something. Does it really matter if we say illness or disease or does it matter more that we focus on finding the root cause of the condition. I wonder...
Thursday, February 2, 2012
No Doubt About It
Old habits are hard to break, but if we are persistent we can break them and replace them with new behaviors. At least that is what we are told, but if we are stuck in negativity and fear, we might doubt it and that makes it very difficult to change anything.
Finding a way to stop the endless stream of self talk that tells us we are unworthy, useless, unqualified, stupid, lazy, crazy, unlovable,(the list could be endless) is not always easy. First of all we may be stuck in doubt, which tells us nothing can work, which causes us to not even try, which basically gets us no where which creates a whole bunch of more negative thoughts. OR we may be stuck in fear, which tells us change is bad and no one can be trusted and life is ugly and unfair and horrible and cruel and no one understand us and everyone will judge us so we should hide and be afraid to really live.
It might not be easy, but the first step out of negativity is to want to stop being negative and filled with doubt and fear. We may be so used to being that way we can't even imagine life any other way or we may be afraid of life any other way. But if we take that step and decide to try something different it can lead to a much happier way of living and a more peaceful life.
The trick is to retrain our minds, to catch ourselves when we think negative thoughts and refocus on something else. We can't beat ourselves up about the thoughts, but be aware of them and observe them and then set them aside and replace them with something else. Let go of your fear and doubt and give it a try for a few days.
Instead of focusing on all that is wrong with things in your world or yourself or others, focus on what is right. Whether you believe it or not, there is something right about everything. For instance, that crabby neighbor you have to deal with may be a pain in the butt, but they are teaching you to be patient and kind even when someone is being rude. What a great lesson...thank you crabby neighbor. That husband that threw his dirty socks all over the place was teaching you your house doesn't have to be spotless. What a great lesson...thank you sloppy husband. That broken ankle made you slow down and take the time to really look at your life and yourself for several weeks, it showed you the importance of receiving help from others. What a great lesson...thank you broken ankle.
We have to want to look for the positive, we have to learn to look for the positive, we have to let go of fear and be persistent and not give up. Yes we will stumble, yes we will have days where we feel there is nothing positive about anything. No one expects us to pretend everything is perfect and slap a happy smile on our face all the time, that would just be hiding behind a mask of fake sunshine, but if we never look for the positives, we'll never see them.
Of course, we don't really HAVE to do any of this. We can stay exactly as we are. That is our choice. No doubt about it, we always have choices.
Finding a way to stop the endless stream of self talk that tells us we are unworthy, useless, unqualified, stupid, lazy, crazy, unlovable,(the list could be endless) is not always easy. First of all we may be stuck in doubt, which tells us nothing can work, which causes us to not even try, which basically gets us no where which creates a whole bunch of more negative thoughts. OR we may be stuck in fear, which tells us change is bad and no one can be trusted and life is ugly and unfair and horrible and cruel and no one understand us and everyone will judge us so we should hide and be afraid to really live.
It might not be easy, but the first step out of negativity is to want to stop being negative and filled with doubt and fear. We may be so used to being that way we can't even imagine life any other way or we may be afraid of life any other way. But if we take that step and decide to try something different it can lead to a much happier way of living and a more peaceful life.
The trick is to retrain our minds, to catch ourselves when we think negative thoughts and refocus on something else. We can't beat ourselves up about the thoughts, but be aware of them and observe them and then set them aside and replace them with something else. Let go of your fear and doubt and give it a try for a few days.
Instead of focusing on all that is wrong with things in your world or yourself or others, focus on what is right. Whether you believe it or not, there is something right about everything. For instance, that crabby neighbor you have to deal with may be a pain in the butt, but they are teaching you to be patient and kind even when someone is being rude. What a great lesson...thank you crabby neighbor. That husband that threw his dirty socks all over the place was teaching you your house doesn't have to be spotless. What a great lesson...thank you sloppy husband. That broken ankle made you slow down and take the time to really look at your life and yourself for several weeks, it showed you the importance of receiving help from others. What a great lesson...thank you broken ankle.
We have to want to look for the positive, we have to learn to look for the positive, we have to let go of fear and be persistent and not give up. Yes we will stumble, yes we will have days where we feel there is nothing positive about anything. No one expects us to pretend everything is perfect and slap a happy smile on our face all the time, that would just be hiding behind a mask of fake sunshine, but if we never look for the positives, we'll never see them.
Of course, we don't really HAVE to do any of this. We can stay exactly as we are. That is our choice. No doubt about it, we always have choices.
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