Being the over achiever that I am I tend to find myself dealing with more than one difficult life situation at a time. This used to really frustrate me and I used to wonder why I couldn't just have one difficult thing to deal with at a time instead of multiple challenges. What I began to notice was that if I looked closely I would see that my challenges were somehow connected in some manner, that there was a thread that ran through the situation that seemed to hold them together. It was as if I were weaving a quilt or tapestry of learning situations through my life experiences. Facing one experience helped me learn and heal the other situations, they were all related in some way. It's sort of "killing two birds with one stone."
When I began to look at each and every life situation as a learning experience, I began to understand that each situation served a purpose, each challenge was an opportunity to learn and grow and expand who I am. I had to learn to stop feeling sorry for myself or wondering why me and start asking questions like why now and what is my responsibility in this situation. I had to let go of looking for someone to blame for the situations and focus on what I could do to move forward.
It soon became clear to me the way to move forward was to look at the role that I was playing in every situation. The next step was to ask myself, "What is it that I can change?" I had to stop focusing on what I wanted to see changed and how I wanted others to change and focus only on what I could do. I had to take responsibility for myself and my own actions and stop trying to force others into taking responsibility for their choices and actions.
As a healer filled with deep love and compassion for the world I often find myself wanting to take on the pains of those around me and trying to do their work for them. The truth is no matter how much we want to, how hugely we open our heart to hold the pain of others, or how intent we are on healing everyone around us, we are only responsible for ourselves. Everyone has to do their own work and take responsibility for their own actions and choices, we can not do it for them. Some will choose to do their work and make changes and some will not.
Sometimes as givers and healers we tend to give too much of ourselves and not receive much back. This can deplete us and in the end serves no one. We have to take care of ourselves. In taking care of ourselves, we are helping and serving others. Receiving love and care is as important as giving.
I sometimes have a difficult time knowing when to step away from situations that deplete me, when to stop giving. I literally want to save everyone in the world and will try my best to do that, but in doing so often sacrifice myself.
I was recently told that it's time to learn to extract myself from situations and people who no longer meet my own needs; that there are toxic situations and people that I should avoid. This was difficult for me to hear. It took awhile for the idea to sink in for me. It seemed narcissistic to walk away from others because they didn't meet my needs. The understanding that there are people out there who will refuse to change, who will never change, who will use me and suck all of the energy out of me and that it is OK for me to give what I can to them and then walk away seemed foreign to me. Don't I have to give it my all? Don't I have to love everybody unconditionally always? It was pointed out to me that these people tax my energy so much that choosing to be with them keeps me from being who I am and keeps me from serving others. Choosing to continue being with them keeps me from fully serving my purpose.
It's easy to confuse helping people to heal with rescuing them. It's important to remember that healers are here to guide and assist, not do the work for people and rescue them, as I stated before we all have to do our own work. We are here to help and support each other, but no one can do the work for another and trying to hold the whole world and do everyone's work for them keeps us from doing what we are meant to do and that is focusing on healing ourselves from within.
If we want to heal the world we will start by focusing on ourselves and take responsibility for ourselves in every single situation we find ourselves in every single day. We will see what role we are playing, take responsibility for our own choices, take whatever actions we feel are necessary to heal and forgive the situation, we will offer others involved in the situation assistance by relating to them with hope and compassion understanding that we can not change them and we will let go of the end results. We can't control how others will react or act in a situation, all we can do is take responsibility for ourselves and stick as best we can to our own intentions and follow what our soul tells us to do. If we do this, no matter what the outcome or end result, we will be able to believe in ourselves and walk boldly with our head held high in confidence that we are serving our purpose.
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